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Red Bull Engine – What’s what?

The plot thickens – as they the say. A few moons ago TheJudge13 reported that Red Bull will run a self-developed engine that partly includes Renault IP.

Now, I’ve been with the TJ13 team for three years, but that was before the ‘judge’ began chasing away anyone who could formulate a straight sentence without saying ‘awsume’ in between, and then he drank his brain into a steaming pile of bio-hazardous bile. Exclusive stories from him often beat the the established media to the punch.

These days he just vomits into a file and hopes people like it. The RB story simply doesn’t add up. First of all, he claims, RB uses the Renault engine block. That’s the one part that’s fucked up beyond recognition. The only thing that works on the Renault-lump is the electric gimmickry and that summarily comes from Red Bull. So what could they contribute to a new engine that they haven’t contributed already?

You should lay off the booze, mate…

 
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Posted by on November 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

What The Heck???

b89f86db9d3604653df8ae9088f0d23776990feeb4f29008e61b7a169c074254First and foremost, congratulations to Lewis Hamilton for his third World Title.

But that’s where my good will ends. Seriously, what in the name of all that’s holy…

He lamed to the title in a car that was so ridiculously superior, it makes Schumacher’s early 2000s titles look like an achievement. Granted, someone has to win the thing and like so many times before, 1992, 1993, 1998, 2000-2004, 2011, 2013, 2014 the one in the best car collected it with his finger up his nose.

But what’s with the “Britain, Britain über alles”? I seriously chuckled at the idea of what would have happened on Her Majesty’s Island, if Vettel would have gone on such a publicity bender in 2011 or 2013.

People always wonder why Hamilton is so unpopular in regions where people don’t have “small penis syndrome” because they didn’t accidentally lose a whole empire and are not forced to live on a perpetually cold island in the Atlantic Ocean driving on the wrong side of the road. Well, maybe, people are just not very fond of the “IN YOUR FACE” attitude that’s been going around lately.

I had a really jolly giggle reading the comment section on the Daily Fail website where people were slagged off for suggesting that Lewis Hamilton’s cringe-worthy appearance at a Mexican Wrestling event might have been a trifle silly. Seriously, do we need such stupidity?

In that regard I prefer the Häkkinens, Buttons, Schumachers and Vettels of this world. People who won the thing, collected the trophy, wrecked the hospitality area at Suzuka in a drunken stupor and went home without stuffing their nations glory down everyone’s throat afterwards.

And some people thought the finger was annoying…

Just to remind people, how it’s done properly …

First Step: pilfer Oliver Panis’ Toyota shirt and get hogwashly bladdered…

Schumacher-Toyota

check!

Second: topple the fridge

Fridge

check!

Third: Wreck the place

WindowForklift

check, check…

And most importantly…

STFU the next day and get cracking on the next season and don’t pose in a run-down Mexican wrestling ring…

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

The Sad Story Of a Project That Could Have Been

The Fat HippoIt all started in 2012.

The rather exciting Brazilian GP had just finished and Sebastian Vettel had scored his third title after running the whole GP in a car that technically was not supposed to finish in one piece. Soon we had ‘yellow flag gate’ during which everyone who hates Germans (read: The World) offered the accusation that Mr. Vettel had ignored a yellow flag and called for him and his family to be executed immediately.

What most people missed, was,  that there was an old-fashioned marshal post with a track side official in it weaving the green flag, much to the chagrin of the anti-Vettel brigade. Back then I was the first to point out that little detail in the comment section of a site called “The Judge13” and not too long later I was part of their team, writing articles and news and taking part in podcasts.

In theory it could have been a great idea.  The idea was to have a “site created by fans, for the fans”, which is what many people would like to see. Alas, it wasn’t going to happen, because basically it is just a perpetual wanking template for someone, who makes Ecclestone look humble. The “Chief Editor”, who also poses as “The Judge”, uses the site to push his own agenda and if you want to waste some valuable hours of your life on looking through the archive, you’ll notice that the whole agenda is to pour hate on Red Bull. Until 2 years ago he ran a site that scared the living daylights out of the likes of Joe Saward and James Allen. Now it’s just a waste bin for the incoherent drivel of a drunkard, helped by a bunch of hapless Americans who wouldn’t know a NASCAR from a Victorian ox-cart. So many hours of work wasted on helping an idiot. All the good writers have been chased away – Carlo, Jenny, BJF – all gone, supplanted by a rabid Hamfosi and some clueless people who think having pump guns and semi-automatic rifles at home is normal.

The idea is not yet dead, but it takes a better man than someone who thinks he’s god because he one was allowed into the paddock. The first thing we fans can do is vote with our feet. The pointless spectacle that is F1 these days can be ended if we stop watching it. I didn’t watch Suzuka, nor did I waste time on Putin-land. If viewer numbers plummet further, Mr. E, has to take note. That’s more effective than anything else.

 

 
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Posted by on October 15, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

The Dirty Game Of The Manufacturers

 Until now it was only an abstract concept, but with every passing day the reality of Red Bull leaving F1 comes ever so slowly closer. Those with an axe to grind, those who think that a winning German driver is against the natural law of Britain, Britain über alles, will sit at home and rub their hands, singing their “good riddance” mantra ad nauseam, but no later than Melbourne next year they will realize that with Red Bull the last winning independent team will leave F1.

Without major stage-managing or a freak race like the 1997 European GP or the 1996 Monaco GP we will have two teams able to win for years to come, maybe interrupted by the odd McLaren win if Honda ever catches up. The whole Red Bull engine saga has shown that Mercedes, Ferrari and Honda decide who is how competitive. All three refuse to sell Red Bull their engines and the only reason is the fear of competition.

Williams, Sauber, Force India, Manor, Haas – they are all there just to fill the grid, knowing they can’t win, else they wouldn’t get the engines they have. The manufacturers decide, who can be in F1.

Renault’s takeover of Lotus will most likely never happen. Someone at Renault must have realized by now that they will never make that scrap heap competitive – not with the current regulations.

The big loser in all of this will be the fan. With three teams unlikely to be on the grid next year, the third cars are almost inevitably bound to be introduced. I can’t wait to see the shitstorm that will be Monza when the tifosi have to watch three AMG Mercedes drivers on the rostrum. Of course they could always rig one of the two or three wins that Merc throws Ferrari as a bone once in a while.

Not even the biggest fan of easy Hamilton wins, which make Vettel’s and Schumacher’s numerous wins look like hard work, can still maintain that the new engine formula is good for F1. It has shifted the power from FOM/FIA firmly into the hands of Sergio Marchione and Dieter Zetsche and looking at the devastated state F1 is in right now, it doesn’t look like a good thing.

 
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Posted by on October 10, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Volkswagen Is On The Deathbed

220px-Volkswagen_logo_2012.svgWord is bandied about that Volkswagen may face 18 billions in fines in America, but that is nothing compared to what happens when greedy “lawyers” start filing their class action suits.

You must keep in mind, we are dealing with a country that is chock full of utterly demented people, who need a warning label on a cup of coffee that its content might be hot. Some lady got millions from McShit for burning herself with hot coffee.

The problem is that those class action suits are had in front of a jury the members of which are selected from the general public, which in the case of America translates to a bunch of people who go to a family reunion to meet women.

I’m in no way endorsing what VW has done. They cheated and they should be punished, along with all their competitors who just haven’t been caught yet, but I have a distinctive problem with 600.000 jobs hinging on a bunch of toothless rednecks, who don’t get a job at the Waffle House due to their appearance.

 
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Posted by on September 26, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Seeing Through The Fog At The Engine Front

f1-flamesEngines, or ‘power unit’ as this unholy mess of electric skulduggery is euphemistically called, have dominated the F1 news since this idea of Satan was allowed to disgrace Tilkedromes around the world even more than they already manage by their very existence. Today, however, it seems they are the focus of just about everyone. Heck, even the ‘murricans talk about them.

Namely NBC Sports do, who conducted an interview with Red Bull’s Christian Horner, who admitted that the VW plans have gone up in smoke due to the emission test rigging software found in 11 million VW cars. Unfortunately, due to VW’s excessive platform sharing, you’ll have to add a few million Skodas and Seats to that as well, who were built with the same rigged diesel unit.

A little research in German papers reveals more details about the possible VW deal. According to AMuS, Mateschitz has been working for five years on making long-time partner Volkswagen interested in entering Formula 1. The main road block had always been Clan patriarch Ferdinand Piëch, but he found himself ousted after a self-initiated power-struggle with Martin Winterkorn, but the latter is gone now, too.

And with him goes any chance of a VW entry. The only realistic option had always to be Audi and it would have meant the end for their WEC program, and perhaps the DTM entry as well. With VW in WRC, Audi and Porsche in WEC and Audi again in DTM, the Volkswagen Group is already present in most major forms of motorsport. With fines numbering in billions looming on the horizon, VW has other problems right now.

So where do things go from here? With Red Bull hogging the news, we almost missed that plucky survival artists Manor are close to signing a deal that says Mercedes-Benz in the header. The gearboxes are believed to be coming from Williams, according to German media.

That means Lotus is not only locked out of their hospitality area now. If Manor gets the deal, and it appears to be a question of when rather than if, Lotus is lacking power for next year and their only hope is Renault pulling their thumbs out of a dark place.

The problem is, that like their engine development, Renault want to do it as cheaply as possible. Renault’s CEO Carlos Ghosn has been pestering Bernie about a guaranteed premium status for a Renault works team and wants to use those guaranteed payments as a security for a bank loan with which to pay for the take-over. That of course would explain why they kept cash-cow Maldonado. In the end Bernie will most likely have to cave in or he risks losing up to three teams.

What about Red Bull? With Manor switching to the dark side of the force, there would be space for another customer and that could well be Red Bull. Word in German media is that the talks seem to look good for RB and that Ferrari will indeed supply 2016 spec units. But with Mercedes insisting they don’t have capacities for more than three customers, it appears plausible that those of Ferrari aren’t much bigger. That puts Toro Rosso in doubt.

More work for Bernie, it seems as he does now have to appease Renault, put pressure on Ferrari in regards to Red Bull and it seems he needs to convince Honda to give up their exclusivity with McLaren.

It looks like the little toad has to work for his money these days.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Did You Sleep Well, Bernie?

Germany’s Motorsport Total runs a popular feature every Monday after a Grand Prix. It’s called “Who had the most disrupted sleep last night?”. It usually names the one, who must feel really down after the weekend. The name most often mentioned this year was Nico Rosberg, but after Singapore it was Bernie who got the honors. Unless there’ll be a surprise announcement at Silverstone, I can’t think of anyone else being named next Monday.

If you listen to the noises coming from the Red Bull camp, it sounds more and more likely that they will pack in for good after Abu Dhabi and F1 will lose four cars, four good drivers and one team that could at least occasionally challenge the suffocating Merc dominance. All those who shout “good riddance” now will eat their words when they’ll have to watch three Mercedes drivers on the podium – at Monza.

Mr. E must feel like Gorbatchev in 1991. His empire is falling apart. Even with Haas coming in, a Red Bull exit would mean he’ll have eighteen cars at best, and looking at Lotus’ shenanigans on Thursday, it looks more likely to be just sixteen. The Renault takeover is all but done yet, and keeping Maldonado and letting Grosjean go does not hint at a take-over by a French manufacturer.

He will also be down to two engine manufacturers. The Honda unit still has to earn the name and is present in only two cars and Renault, if at all, will also only be present in two cars. Everyone else is running Merc or Fezza. F1 has become the Indy Racing League on steroids, just with fewer cars and more boring tracks.

So what can he do to save his empire? Of course he can try to pressure Ferrari into supplying engines to Red Bull and Toro Rosso, but Mateschitz won’t accept second-tier stuff and Ferrari won’t deliver up-to-date versions. Most likely outcome is that we’ll see a Red Bull branded car at Le Mans very soon.

That’s where everyone is headed anyway. VW is present with two brands, Toyota’s there, BMW is seriously considering to enter as well, as seems Hyundai, if their completely bonkers prototype at the IAA in Frankfurt is anything to go by. Does anyone seriously believe Merc will continue blowing hundreds of millions into spanking a collection of hapless privateers in F1, when all their premium market opponents are duking it out at Le Mans?

Back in the day, when I was appearing on podcasts occasionally, I said it several times. If any manufacturer is interested in using motorsport to do R&D that will feed back into their road cars, WEC is the place to do it. Most manufacturers seem to think the same.

With that ill-fated V6 idea, F1 has lost its identity. Manufacturers came and went, with the notable exception of Ferrari, but the core have always been those, who Enzo Ferrari used to refer to as garagisti. Williams, McLaren, Sauber – that are all teams who’ve been created for the sole purpose of building F1 cars and race them. Others have already been killed, like Brabham, March or Arrows. A new one is coming with Haas and in their current guise of Toro Rosso, Minardi will most likely be lost forever.

What is needed is something that I despise in literature and TV series – a big honking reset button. More Merc dominance will most likely have to be endured in 2016 and 2017, unless they bugger off to Le Mans as well, but for 2018 F1 should return to its own identity. Let the WEC handle the hybrid engine and go back to normal internal combustion units without KERS gimmicks. And give the sport back to the garagisti. Let the big fellas duke it out in WEC and WRC.

An uncluttered engine technology might also bring back some of the bespoke racing engine manufacturers. Ever heard of Cosworth, Ilmor?

Stop losing sleep Bernie, sack the Strategy Group and fix the damn sport!

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2015 in Uncategorized