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Oh The Irony

Happy Hippo Is Amused

Happy Hippo Is Amused

The Hamfosi are up in arms. Mercedes have swapped all the engineers from the Lords’s son’s team to the evil German and thus HE got all the crappy ones from Nico’s side of the garage. That’s why he isn’t winning anymore.

Well, hold it there my mint-sauce slurping friend. Wouldn’t that imply that Lewis’ last two world championships are completely meaningless because his team mate was effectively sabotaged by inept mechanics? By the way, the same mechanics who still knew how to get the job done when Nico mopped the floor with the golden boy three times in a row at the end of last season…

The explanation is ridiculously simple. Like the Red Bulls of 2011-2013, the Merc is optimized for driving away in clean air. As soon as it gets stuck in traffic, it struggles. That’s why Mark Webber was so hopeless. With his abysmally bad starts he usually got stuck in traffic. Guess who has had crappy starts all year – right – Lewis.

And then there is the other thing. Nico didn’t get all of Lewis’ engineers and mechanics. They switched SOME, not all people, and the reason was friction within the team, a ‘we against them’ mentality that can completely destroy a team. It’s ridiculous to see how Hamfosi cook up conspiracies, just because he hast’t won one of the last seven races – ask Fernando Alonso, who was sublime by the way putting that McLaren turd on sixth in Sochi.

Oh, and honourable mention for Seb Vettel: Most hilarious team radio since Juan Pablo Montoya.

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Posted by on May 1, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

A word to all dog owners…

This has nothing to do with F1. This is a shout-out to all people owning a dog. If you leave the house with your slobbering waste of skin and organs, put a fucking leash on it, will ya? Having it hanging over your shoulder doesn’t fucking count, Einstein!
Someone in Villach, Austria is now freshly one dog down, because I killed the fucking thing. The jerk went around with two dogs, both of which were quite big, none of them on a leash, and one of them thought it was a good idea to growl at me and bite me in the leg. Well, it’s dead now. If I see someone with an unleashed dog again – it’s dead. End of.

 
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Posted by on December 13, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

F*** Overtaking, Real Men Do It Anyway

snarky_hippoMercedes’ Aldo Costa has had a public brainfart about how the faster 2017 cars are bad for the show as they won’t improve overtaking. I say BULLSHIT. The only thing you are concerned about is that maybe someone might challenge you. It’s so awfully convenient to lame to victory every other weekend with the rules keeping the other teams in check. Now, THAT is bad for the show, Einstein!

The thing is: The important thing about overtaking is, that it is supposed to be an achievement. Nobody would have taken notice of Max Verstappen, had he not overtaken where others couldn’t. That’s what separates the men from the quiche eaters, so let’s keep it at that.

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

31 Years of injustice finally end…

Happy Hippo Is Happy

Happy Hippo Is Happy

Normally I’m not too keen on spreading my private life all across the interwebs, but in this case I’m making a exception, because I know there are more people out there, who suffered the same fate as I and I hope some of them take the same step as I did and revert an injustice that nearly always goes unpunished.

Today, coming home from work, I found a letter in my mailbox saying that I will get my birth name back. Some of you might wonder – “Dude, how do you lose something like that?” Well, the answer is – all you need is a lying, vindictive mother. Long story short, 32 years ago, my mother filed for divorce, accusing my father of adultery, which in itself wasn’t exactly unwarranted, my dad isn’t exactly a catholic priest, except for the fact that she forgot to mention that 9-year-old me had been a (very unwilling) witness to her fucking a guy who later should, after the divorce, become my step-father. BTW, by boning my mother, he cheated on his wife as well. Classic case of the pot calling the kettle black.

A year after the divorce, my mother married her fellow adulterer and in the same moment issued a ban on any contact with my father, which I ignored. The result was physical violence. I was on the receiving end of it. Against the laws (even of then still existing East Germany), I was forced (quite violently so) to assume the surname of the adulterer and I had to live with it for 31 years against my will.

Now, 31 years later, my father is already retired and in bad health, but we finally have the same surname again, so folks, I know this sort of skullduggery has happened in the west as well. If you were robbed of your name: It takes a hard battle with beaurocracy, but it is worth fighting it. Many of my hairs turned grey over it, but I’m happy I did it.

 
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Posted by on December 4, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Sky’s Fall From Grace

The Fat HippoFor years watching F1 was easy. Sky Germany (formerly Premiere) was good, RTL was bad, and Sky UK was even better than Sky Germany.

Alas, since Hamilton started laming to a gazillion race wins every year, Sky UK has been nigh-on insufferable. I could go on an extended rant, but, frankly, this guy puts it much more eloquently than I ever could:

The Roar: Formula One’s ‘Hamilton-centric’ media coverage must end now

Mind you, it is sort of normal for the respective national broadcaster to hype their own, after all they have a certain customer base to satisfy, but the ridiculous hype around Hamilton beats even the worst Schumacher years on German TV.

Back then RTL did their utmost to convince the German population that Schumi could walk on water. If Häkinnen did the same, they grudgungly acknowledged it and pointed out that Schumi does it more often.

With Sky things are different. If Rosberg happens to walk on water, they point the finger at him and cry: “Look, the bugger can’t even swim!” It’s ridiculous. We sort of feel with the British, knowing that they have a bit of an inferiority complex. Their empire is gone and all of their industry is owned by the Japanese, Koreans, Indians and Germans, because they couldn’t quite hack it when left to their own devices, but the sad performance of Brundle during the podium interview was cringe-worthy at best.

So there we are. Not only has F1’s coverage disappeared behind a paywall in most parts of Europe, it has also become ridiculously bad.

And they wonder about falling viewer numbers…

 
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Posted by on November 20, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Red Bull Engine – What’s what?

The plot thickens – as they the say. A few moons ago TheJudge13 reported that Red Bull will run a self-developed engine that partly includes Renault IP.

Now, I’ve been with the TJ13 team for three years, but that was before the ‘judge’ began chasing away anyone who could formulate a straight sentence without saying ‘awsume’ in between, and then he drank his brain into a steaming pile of bio-hazardous bile. Exclusive stories from him often beat the the established media to the punch.

These days he just vomits into a file and hopes people like it. The RB story simply doesn’t add up. First of all, he claims, RB uses the Renault engine block. That’s the one part that’s fucked up beyond recognition. The only thing that works on the Renault-lump is the electric gimmickry and that summarily comes from Red Bull. So what could they contribute to a new engine that they haven’t contributed already?

You should lay off the booze, mate…

 
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Posted by on November 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

What The Heck???

b89f86db9d3604653df8ae9088f0d23776990feeb4f29008e61b7a169c074254First and foremost, congratulations to Lewis Hamilton for his third World Title.

But that’s where my good will ends. Seriously, what in the name of all that’s holy…

He lamed to the title in a car that was so ridiculously superior, it makes Schumacher’s early 2000s titles look like an achievement. Granted, someone has to win the thing and like so many times before, 1992, 1993, 1998, 2000-2004, 2011, 2013, 2014 the one in the best car collected it with his finger up his nose.

But what’s with the “Britain, Britain über alles”? I seriously chuckled at the idea of what would have happened on Her Majesty’s Island, if Vettel would have gone on such a publicity bender in 2011 or 2013.

People always wonder why Hamilton is so unpopular in regions where people don’t have “small penis syndrome” because they didn’t accidentally lose a whole empire and are not forced to live on a perpetually cold island in the Atlantic Ocean driving on the wrong side of the road. Well, maybe, people are just not very fond of the “IN YOUR FACE” attitude that’s been going around lately.

I had a really jolly giggle reading the comment section on the Daily Fail website where people were slagged off for suggesting that Lewis Hamilton’s cringe-worthy appearance at a Mexican Wrestling event might have been a trifle silly. Seriously, do we need such stupidity?

In that regard I prefer the Häkkinens, Buttons, Schumachers and Vettels of this world. People who won the thing, collected the trophy, wrecked the hospitality area at Suzuka in a drunken stupor and went home without stuffing their nations glory down everyone’s throat afterwards.

And some people thought the finger was annoying…

Just to remind people, how it’s done properly …

First Step: pilfer Oliver Panis’ Toyota shirt and get hogwashly bladdered…

Schumacher-Toyota

check!

Second: topple the fridge

Fridge

check!

Third: Wreck the place

WindowForklift

check, check…

And most importantly…

STFU the next day and get cracking on the next season and don’t pose in a run-down Mexican wrestling ring…

 
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Posted by on November 6, 2015 in Uncategorized